and a jay-z sawng was awnnn

This may end up being a single topic entry, but we'll see how that goes.

Lately (and I know I've talked about this before), I keep wondering about the bisexual stereotypes that exist, even in the gay community. When a girl is bisexual, she's generally thought of as being a temporary lesbian that will eventually settle back down and get with a man again. When a guy is bisexual, he's seen as a gay man that just needs to fully come out of the closet and that he will eventually end up with a man. At least from the female perspective, I know there are certain lesbians that refuse to date bisexuals because of the fear that they'll jump sides and leave them for a man. Now, I'd like to blame the media for this, but I can't even manage to do that. When else would we listen to how the media depicts a group of people and take that as the ultimate truth?

Not to mention the inherent sexism involved in this thinking. (Spoiler alert: I'm going to mention it anyway.) Why do we assume that, if given the choice, an individual would obviously decide to be with a man instead of a woman? As if women are so repulsive that nobody would actually want to be with one unless that were their only option. Straight men and lesbians really are making the ultimate sacrifice here.

ALSO (Could I be getting to a second topic here?) I was so totally underwhelmed by Where the Wild Things Are and I couldn't really figure out why until a former teacher was having me explain what I didn't like about it and I said I was tired of male coming of age stories and he said that male coming of age stories were his favorite genre. So then I was thinking about it and decided maybe I like female coming of age stories better (what a surprise). But I don't think I've actually read/watched all that many. Obviously, Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret is a basic requirement for everyone but I can't think of too many others. I know I have to read The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath. Anybody else have suggestions? I'm up for books or movies, to be honest. Though maybe not book series, because then I guess maybe The Babysitters Club or Sweet Valley High would count. (Not gonna lie, I was into Babysitters Club when I was a youngling. Also, Animorphs.)

Small victory: I have actually been reading lately. Mostly on lunch breaks at work, but at least it's something, right? Right now I'm reading I Am America. And So Can You! by Stephen Colbert. Hey, what else am I supposed to do on lunch breaks? I can't even sit at the break table we have because I know stupid people will start talking and I'll have to listen to it. Yes, I'm officially the asshole that refuses to socialize with anyone and would rather sit in my car alone and read than have lunch with other people.

And one final thought. Somehow between yesterday and this morning, I scratched the side of my eye and it hurts whenever I rub them. Which really draws attention to the fact that I rub my eyes a lot. Which is probably how I scratched it. Hmm.

all day after day

People I've become significantly less attracted to lately:
- Natalie Portman (Though I'll probably be back on her when Thor comes out.)
- Eli Roth (It was a short lived crush, unfortunately.)

People I've become significantly more attracted to lately:
- Bill Hader
- Conan O'Brien
- Kristen Wiig (I'm on a comedy thing, I guess.)

Wow, the last few days are just a weird blur right now. It's crazy how weird morning shifts will upset your sleep schedule, I'm serious. I have no idea what the date is half the time because I keep track of that shit usually by what expiration dates I check at the end of the night. I only know the difference between weekdays and weekends because Conan isn't on Saturday and Sunday nights. I can tell some of my coworkers feel the same way because I asked one of them what day it was and they said, "Well, it's October."

Life, man.

I was thinking about signing up for Netflix again because there's so many movies I want to watch, but renting is just totally unrealistic for me. I will take the movie and I will never return it. Ever. Nor will I watch it. Seriously, I rented two movies last month and found myself rushing them back to the video store on the day they were due, having watched neither of them. But then I think about the Netflix thing and think, "Is it really realistic to think I can watch a movie every month?" Sure it is. Right? . . . Right???

Shit is it really 2 am. Go to bed, whore. Nobody even cares about your blog.

Okay, wrapping up. Recommend some good comedy to me. Movies, television, books, comics, whatever. I need to make sure I am laughing more. Especially books. When was the last time I read a funny book? Probably not since I was a young hatchling and read like Hank the Cowdog and shit.

And not shitty British comedy. It's not funnier because they have accents okay. Nevermind, I'm not starting this fight now. We'll discuss it when your father gets home.

How to make SNL funny again

Dear Saturday Night Live,

Hi. It's me. Don't get all worried, I'm still watching every week. But I'm starting to be concerned that I'm the only one. I'm not one of those jerks that say SNL hasn't been funny since the 80's. I love SNL. I still love it. But there are some improvements this season that need to be made ASAP. So, I made you a list! Here goes. . .

1. Get Seth Meyers a co-anchor for Weekend Update
Part of what makes WU so funny is the banter between co-anchor. Also because Amy Poehler is a goddess. Now that she's gone, we're just sitting here staring at Seth eMyers being snarky for 20 straight jokes. Don't get me wrong, he's adorable and we love him, but we loved him more when Amy was around. The boy needs a co-anchor and he needs one YESTERDAY. Michaela Watkins could have done wonders with the job (too bad you fired her - see 2), but since that's no longer an option, might I suggest Bill Hader take up the role (see 3)?

2. Stop being afraid of unattractive women
I may have been one of the few people still holding out hope for Casey Wilson to improve, but I think we can all agree that firing Michaela Watkins was a big mistake. Replacing them with more pretty girls that aren't as funny isn't going to make people watch the show. We don't tune in to SNL every week for beautiful women (except when Megan Fox hosted). We watch to laugh, and Michaela in her role as Angie Tempura Celebrity Blogger absolutely killed me every time. What happened to the days of Rachel Dratch and Maya Rudolph, when the women on the show weren't magazine pretty, but they were so funny that we loved them even more? There are plenty of ugly, unfunny guys that everyone seems to love anyway, why are the women held to a higher standard?

3. More Bill Hader
And not just in the background, either. This guy should be the star of the show. Try comparing the sketches where he's basically an extra to the ones where he's front and center. Exactly, there is no comparing them. If you could guarantee that there would be Hader in just as many sketches as Kristen Wiig, I'd never miss another episode.

4. Stop hiring so many white people
You'd think this would go without saying, but unfortunately, it doesn't seem to. We were all uncomfortable with white guy Fred Armisen doing the Obama impression during the election, but we kept our mouths shut because we knew your token black guy Kenan Thompson couldn't do it. We figured you'd just hire a new black comedian at the first opportunity. You know every black comedian in the country started practicing their Obama impressions at home in the mirror as soon as the primaries were over. Unfortunately, this didn't seem to be the case, as since the election there has been an additional four attractive white women added to the cast and nothing else. Um, really? How is that helping at all? You can't keep bringing back Maya Rudolph every time you need someone to play Michelle Obama. And don't think you're getting away with it because one of the girls you hired is named Nasim Pedrad. She's still too white. And face it, Kenan Thompson is horrible at impressions. He's 100 times funnier when he's DJ Dynasty Handbag on Deep House Dish or Jean K. Jean on Weekend Update. Stop making him play every black person ever and give him a chance to be awesome.

5. Give Kristen Wiig some time to breathe, also some competition
Can we have a moment of silence for all the great women that have left this show? Most recently Maya Rudolph, Tina Fey, and Amy Poehler, all amazing comedic legends already. And now, after Casey Wilson and Michaela Watkins have been fired, Kristen Wiig is the only female veteran on the show. Seriously. If you aren't chasing away great funny women, you're firing them. Not that I'm saying Kristen Wiig is bad. On the contrary, she's well on her way to being the funniest person on the show. Unfortunately, she's getting a tad overexposed as last season she was the cast member that took part in the most sketches every show. Since you've basically decided that women are never funny anymore ever, I'm afraid our girl is going to get worn out. There are other funny actors on the show. How about giving them some more focus (Hader or Kenan, maybe?) and make sure that Kristen keeps giving us reasons to love her?

6. Don't forget that you hired Andy Samberg for the show, not just the digital shorts
When Andy Samberg is on it, he's really on it ( think Jizz in my Pants, I'm On a Boat, Dick in a Box, Natalie's Rap, Lazy Sunday, Like a Boss etc) and when he's not, he's really not (think almost every other digital short). There were a few points last season where him and the Lonely Island guys were practically carrying the show. But really, there's more to him than just the digital short guy, even if he is legendary for those alone. He can be funny in regular sketches too, you know. Let's try and remember that this season.


And that's all! I hope you aren't offended by this and that we can still be friends.

xoxo,
Rachel

every now and then

My celebrity crushes go up and down, like a roller-coaster. Right now, Conan O'Brien is at an all time high. I don't know how this happened. Okay, just kidding, we all know how it happened.

I was about to say that this is the first time I've ever been interested in a srs redhead but then I just thought of a million hot gingers so I take it back. I'm just into everything at some point or another.

It's a problem.

So who's at the top of your infatuation list right now?

Btw, I just kind of wanted to say that I love you all a lot. I know school and work and life and shit keeps us all apart, but I'd seriously lose my mind if I didn't have you guys to read about and tweet at and such. The way my schedules are set up from week to week, I spend so much time alone or with people I don't like or that don't like me. It's nice to have regular assurance that there are cool people in this world.

So my seven and six hour mid afternoon shifts tomorrow and Saturday mysteriously transformed into two nine hour morning shifts. I don't know how these things happen.

Oh gosh. Michael Moore is on Conan tonight. I can already feel the secondhand embarrassment. You notice how liberals like Michael Moore's movies, but in public, he's kind of like that drunk uncle of yours that yell talks everything, and you're like, "Fuck, why did I think taking him to the mall would be a good idea?"

Also, just fyi, I think I'm getting a fetish for people with foot fetishes. Anybody know somebody they can introduce me to?


Edit: Nvm, Michael Moore was pretty classy. No awkward moments.

EDIT TWO: NO HE JUST SAVED THE UNCOMFORTABLE MOMENTS FOR WHEN SETH MACFARLANE CAME OUT. DAMNIT, UNCLE MIKE. WAIT IN THE VAN.

Oh, hai everyone. How's it going? Personally, I'm great.

I was going to type out some big feminist rant, but then I changed my mind, but I figured since I had the animation all ready, I might as well do something.

Why does so much of society's "sexual freedom" focus on the pleasing of a man instead of a woman?

I'm all for people expressing themselves sexually, obviously. But why does it seem like sexual "progressiveness" of today seems to continue to focus on the man's pleasure rather than the woman's? Why do 15 year old girls give blowjobs with no reciprocation?

Why is female masturbation such a dirty thing? It completely blows my mind when I really think about the fact that there are grown women out there that have never experienced an orgasm, not even by themselves.

I hate that sex is still thought of as something only a man wants. Honestly, if only the man in the relationship wants sex, you're doing it wrong. I thought we were past the "close your eyes and think of England" concept of sex in society, yet I still see things today that remind me that no, no we are not.

And don't think that I'm blaming this on men. Ignorant women that are unaware of their own bodies are just as much to blame. Also the religious right. And television.

Okay, that's all I have energy for, but I thought I'd get something out. Hugs and kisses~

PRAYER CIRCLE

My bb Coco fell and hit his head during the taping for Friday's show. He'll probably be fine, but head injuries are scary.

"Last thing I remember I was enjoying the play with Mrs. Lincoln, and the next thing I knew I was in bed being served cookies and juice," O'Brien said afterward.

Oh, bb, ilu.

But I'm still worried. CONSOLE ME.